One of my men’s circles just had a Q&A session with a female teacher of David Deida’s work. Since we had a woman to query, most of the men wanted to know about success with women.
A consistent theme is that women want to be seen, felt, and met. The great challenge for men is that we tend to live our lives in our head. Occasionally, we’ll get out of the head, into the body, into the flow of life, but only through sex, substances, and sports.
There are levels to “seeing”. At the vague or gross level, we see objects. Our mind does the seeing and says, “that’s a tree” or “I like that.” When the mind looks at a women, it tends to either see “woman” or “breast” or some other object to focus on. The mind also tends to see through what it needs, taking, rather than giving.
Then, there is the subtle way to see. This is how we see beauty. One sees that it is not just a tree but something unknowable with thousands of colors and shades with infinite variety. We see, not from what we want to take, but from appreciation. Like seeing the Mona Lisa vs. wanting to take it for ourselves. Seeing objects vs. seeing beauty is the difference between a beginning artist that sees stick figures and a Monet that sees the infinite play of light. Indeed, that is the feminine: the infinite play of light.
Men can practice this level of seeing. Stop the mind and start seeing. When you look at women, see how many shades of color you can notice reflecting in light from her hair. See how many shades of color come from her iris and how it is changing constantly. If you have been with your woman for some time, se her anew instead of seeing what’s in your mind about the past.
Indeed, notice how SHE is just change. The feminine is the earth, the cosmos, and woman. It is only change. Her hair is constantly changing just as her moods constantly change. See how she changes constantly, moment to moment, and enjoy that change. Just as a flower opens and closes each day, she opens and closes, if you will only pay attention. Don’t put her on a pedestal, as an object to be seen. See her like you would a sunset or waves crashing.
Of course, you could just stay living in your mind. But the mind is just a prison that is well decorated.
Tell me here on the blog what you discover from practicing seeing…