According to psychiatrist Paul Dobransky, M.D. mystery is the most important factor that attracts a woman.
Of course, this seems counter to pop psychology of the feminist revolution where men were told to “open up” to women and reveal EVERYTHING.
Here’s the problem, humans are conditioned creatures! Our species doesn’t suddenly change because a group of people think a new human behavior is a good idea. Especially when the new behaviors are actually unhealthy and lead to poor relationship.
As with all humans, we have been conditioned since childhood to do most of our behaviors. You speak English (or your native language) because you lived with adults who you needed for survival. In the same way, women imprint on their father because he is really the only man she knows from birth until school, her most formative years.
Father is a huge, powerful, mysterious man to a little girl. This is a very deep imprint that guides her life for a protector. The only reason she wouldn’t be draw to a mysterious powerful man is because she was afraid of her father, so now she wants a totally open, weak man that she can control, so she can be safe.
Women enjoy a mystery to be unlocked. I’m NOT suggesting a secretive man that is hiding. That’s artificial mystery, which is actually a danger. We’re talking about a man she could take the rest of her life discovering things about. A man with healthy boundaries! This is why women talk about the draw of a man with “depth”. If you are shallow, not much to know, “an open book”, you’re about as boring as a short story that’s been read a hundred times.
Another reason being “totally open” or what we could really call “emotional” with a woman is really toxic is that it’s the sign of a lack of healthy boundaries. When a man is so raw and open that there isn’t a line where he ends and she begins, the couple become “enmeshed”. That is, they become one person. This is what a needy parent does with a child that causes the child to never grow up. It’s the reason couples feel like a body part has been ripped out when the other pulls away. Healthy boundaries are crucial to creating healthy people.
A simple way to be mysterious is to actually BE a man. A man is about as opposite a woman as you can get and thus a mystery. We could take a whole weekend exploring being a healthy man of mystery and boundaries with your lady. Maybe we will do that weekend course someday. For now, blast out some comments on the blog. Let’s see if you disagree about mystery. Actually ask women. Don’t think you know on your own.