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Possibly one of the simplest distinctions I’ve discovered in the last 7 years of studying men’s work is this: STOP BEING EMOTIONAL!

Right away your feminist ears are perking up, right? Men are “supposed” to be emotional. That’s what women complained about in the 1960-1970s (and still today). Women said men were “cold” or didn’t have any “feelings”. The new term I’ve heard in Los Angeles, even in a recent romantic comedy film, and soon will take over women’s vocabulary world-wide is: “emotionally unavailable”.

You men decided, “Women won’t like me unless I’m emotional”. Or better, “my mom won’t like me unless I’m emotional.” And you’re living from a decision without all the facts. You might as well still believe “the earth is flat.”

Let’s look at facts instead of beliefs. Check out the picture in this post. Here’s a man with “emotions”. What do you really think? Would you trust him? Give him your car keys or your savings to manage? Maybe you’d follow him into battle or as a boss that will make your team successful? NOT! If you wouldn’t trust an emotional man, why would a woman? Get it?

So, STOP BEING EMOTIONAL! It’s not about “hiding your feelings”. Stop it! Stop thinking you’re supposed to be an emotional blob so people will love you. Knock it off. No one is going to trust you that needs to count on you. Especially not women. Healthy women want a healthy, loving man in their life, not a boy to control. Don’t believe me! Ask a woman to tell you the truth when she looks at the picture above. Would she trust him?

Harsh words eh? That’s because I care. Of course, there’s a lot to go over here to clear up the years of pop culture and movie conditioning you’ve received. One simple tip is: if you do feel emotions coming up, because you are still emotional rather than present and awake, go to your men. Those men you’d trust with your life, the ones that tell the raw truth. The ones that will help you pull out the arrow and get you back into the game. Or, if your men don’t know what to do, get a coach or other expert to pull out those arrows so you can function well again. But stop expecting women to help you through your emotions. That’s about the grossest thing a woman can imagine.

Finally, “emotions” are not “feelings”. A man feels deeply but when it turns into emotion, that’s scary. That’s why there are two different words. Use a dictionary buddy! They’re really cool. Comment on the blog and let’s see what you think about being emotional.

UPDATE: Second article to answer some questions about being emotional here:


{ 6 comments… add one }
  • Richard D. Walker November 5, 2011, 3:57 pm

    Erol, quite the article buddy. I agree 100% with your message that men should not wear their emotions on their sleeve. From the women I know it seems that men have either become overly macho, perhaps to make up for a lack of confidence and self-awareness, or too femine in the wrong ways. Women often complain about single men not having a spine or the confidence to live up to their potential. It’s ok to share your feelings with your woman and to even express your emotion from time to time, but even the strongest women (you should meet my mom) want a man of mental strength, integrity to their values and to lead with a sense of purpose. The day a woman FEELS that a man cannot support or protect her is the day the man loses.

  • Erol March 23, 2012, 12:22 pm

    Great comment Richard!

    We humans often get caught in duality. In this case it’s either “macho jerk” or “sensitive new-age guy”, as you pointed out. This explains why so many women continually return to the macho jerk, if it’s the only choice.

    The new man we’re working towards on this blog, the Ecstatic Man, is wide awake, living boldly in the world, for mankind. He doesn’t slip into macho jerk because that’s just living for himself. And he’s not a wimp because they just get killed, by other men, and especially by women. Instead, life fills up the Ecstatic Man and he can’t wait to give it to the world until his last breath.

  • Ani October 7, 2012, 10:57 pm

    Wow I really like this article. I have been facing this issue. I am too emotional. I have no control on any of my emotions. I am 24 and I desperately need to stop this. I want to stop completely. I must grow up but I fail every time I try. I have failed in relations due to this. It must stop now. What do advice I do? I must stop showing my emotional side to women. I have to! regardless of the situation and how bad. I don’t want tears in my life. I’m a man and I want to look like one. Tears make me look weak. Kindly advice. Never had this sort of guidance.

  • Erol Fox October 19, 2012, 2:15 pm

    Hi Ani!

    Great comment and I appreciate you connecting with your truth. Seeing your question has brought me out of retirement and I wrote an article specifically with points to help. Hope it’s useful and I’m looking forward to more from you!

    Check out the response here: http://ecstaticman.com/archives/124

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