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Team speech from Any Given Sunday (video)

Here’s a classic clip of men together, in the trenches. A uniquely masculine experience with football as a metaphor of a man’s life. Pacino begins by revealing his losses. Loss is a deep experience for men. Life is “a game of inches”, of small wins and losses that every man feels. They stack up over a lifetime.

Any Given Sunday–Pacino connects the men of their strength


Pacino then expands from the connection to loss to the connection with life and death. A connection every man feels. It is when a man is willing to die for something greater that he is truly alive. When he finds that which he is willing to give everything for, his own life, the ultimate loss, that all other losses dissolve into freedom. It may be the brotherhood that Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of or your kids getting a college education. This is where a man’s power comes from: his connection with giving his life for freedom AND his men.

This is what we see on the face of a champion. It’s Lance Armstrong about to collapse but still pushing. It’s Sir Edmund Hillary climbing Mt. Everest. It’s the father that’s exhausted but puts a smile on his face and keeps driving so his family is taken care of. It’s you, at those times when you were most free.


20 men got to connect with their deepest power

clip_image001I had the honor of co-leading 20 men a week ago. My goal was to reconnect them with the deepest source of their power, reawakening something deep in every man’s DNA. The power in the room was incredible after only 2 hours! I’ve seen it take a weekend to wake men up this much. We could have climbed Mt. Everest with the fire in our bellies. It wasn’t a pump-up, but a waking up. The difference between your power when you are asleep and awake. When asleep, you dream about flying, but you’ can’t really move. When you are awake, and empowered, you can built a plane and connect a whole globe in flying.

You see, after 50 years of men learning how to be emotional, which was a wonderful awakening, most men became too soft. I see it so often. It’s the pendulum swinging too far while we learn. He’s become a pretty good dad, sensitive to his lady, but can’t really handle work and women feel there’s just something missing. Life became a burden with all that access to emotions. Gone is the warrior spirit that would risk death in defense of what’s important or exploration of a great wilderness.

Women feel this so well. She either gets a macho jerk, who thinks being strong is going to war, OR a sensitive guy that is so nice he seems to be apologizing for being a man, even for other men. This is the ego-mind at work, causing duality, only two ways: 1) macho cold jerk or 2) soft metro-sexual man. But, duality isn’t real, it’s just made up by the human brain with split hemispheres.

I had to go on this journey myself. I spent years as a sensitive guy, but hiding from my strength. The fear in our culture is that if a man fully accesses that strength, he’ll become abusive or destructive. So boys get stuck growing up choosing between these two paths. Ever seen this?

The Essential Man discovers the end of this duality! He connects with his essence, his invincible spine. The warrior does what needs to be done, without thinking. Unafraid of death, so there’s nothing to think about. He also draws on his love for the world. Like the Samurai who was knew he was already dead AND loved the emperor and Japan deeply. The essence was simple! Fearless with a wide-open heart. This man is incredibly sexy to women! This is the man we rediscovered that Sunday morning. The man that valiantly serves his family, a rock, a lighthouse in the storm as a guiding light and sovereign for his community.

Are you ready to step up and be one of these men in the 21st Century? It starts with remembering your heritage. All those men that came before you that defended their territories with honor. It’s in your DNA.

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Men, are you making your life a celebration?

Well, it’s Friday and many guys are ready to blow off some steam. But, are you really making it a celebration? Do you only celebrate on the weekends by drinking or other habits that wear you down, try to build up your strength during the week (while trying to work), then break down again on the weekend?

Make every day a celebration. When you get up in the morning, it’s a celebration that you are above ground! Nothing has been determined, the future is unknown. Life is to be celebrated. Everything about it. Create your day instead of reacting to it.

Much of a man’s inability to celebrate comes from seeing his father so serious, worn out and grumpy all the time. We get conditioned when little to think that men are serious, maybe even angry. (Girls saw this too.) BUT, because we were little, we didn’t realize that we saw dad often after work, when he was tired. Especially after a long day of being abused by a boss. If he did celebrate, it might have been escaping into a TV or booze.

We’re grownups now, and it’s time to realize that’s NOT how men are or are supposed to be. It’s just what our little mind saw and made up. For over 100 years, fathers have been coming home from factories and offices so their kids misunderstood that “that’s how men are.”

So, a boy grows up and thinks men are serious, tired, grumpy. He either becomes that serious man or tries to be a boy so he can celebrate. Let’s clear up the confusion. MEN CELEBRATE LIFE! They celebrate every moment because they realize some day it will all end. This knowing is a gift because you remember to kiss your wife on the cheek for no reason. Smile with your clients because you may not see them again. Say hello to a stranger just because you’re alive.

Stop waiting until something happens in your life. Make today and every day a celebration and watch what transforms around you from the joy that you are still alive.

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Forget the politics. It takes courage to even attempt to run for President of the United States. You will be attacked from every possible angle, especially if you win. In Kennedy’s case, people actually wanted him dead. It takes strength to be truly be alive!

In this quote, I see a great shift in our culture. Do you? There are many men today that pray that things would be easier. That they could make lots of money from doing little. That no one would challenge them to be bigger, either the women in their life or other men. That their kids would be easy. Or, even that the economy would somehow be easy and money would fall out of the sky again, no matter where it came from or at what cost.

Let us pray for strength again, not ease. Men that are proud of being strong, as well as compassionate and joyful. It’s not about returning to some media stereotype where men were only strong! The Essential Man of the 21st Century comes from his deepest essence and part of that essence is invisibility when serving the highest good. Like men of Kennedy’s age that fought in WWII for the freedom of all people. The generation we call the Great Generation. Men who forgot about their selfish needs and would gladly give their life for mankind to be better.

Pray to be stronger men!


MLK Jr. on purpose

One of the most profound quotes that has guided my life is the following:

“A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Men are intimately connected to death. We are fascinated with it as a little boy. We see this fascination in the little boy watching a bug squirm and grossing out the girls. It’s not inflicting death that is the fascination. That’s the boy-man. Instead, it is the connection with emptiness, the infinite, total freedom. A man instinctually is willing to give up his life for something greater. To sacrifice it all, because he knows he’s going to die anyway. There is a kind of infinite freedom, freedom from mind-chatter, in surrender to higher purpose. This quality of self-sacrifice is something women recognize in a man instantly, it’s incredibly attractive. Boys look up to it. Girls want to be with a man like that some day.

What are YOU willing to die for? Start now! You’re going to die soon anyway. Nothing to worry about. It’s funny, if you think about it.


Why are men needed in the 21st Century?

imageLet’s start the conversation. It’s the 21st Century and some folks haven’t gotten the memo. Some are clinging to the past while it is obvious that new models are required for progress.

The Conversation: Why are men specifically needed in the 21st Century?

Sure, this is almost a taboo conversation in a Politically Correct world. Yet, to say that there is absolutely no difference between men and women is to completely dishonor the unique, challenging, and glorious gift of childbirth that all women share. There are so many wonderful qualities I see unique to women, wouldn’t there be some in men? If indeed we are equal, wouldn’t we equally have unique gifts?

Now, let’s add a sobering reality. Of the 8 million jobs lost at this start of this Great Recession, 75% were men. The previously unique male attribute of musculature is no longer essential to survival. Men are no longer seen primarily as providers given the 50% of marriages ending in divorce. As in any age, change is inevitable and an the soil for growth.

So, what are the male qualities essential to this vastly different world of the 21st Century? Bring your joy and celebration to this conversation! My dream is that this becomes a conversation all men have with men and women to serve our children in have a great world to live in. Will you join in?


Robert Bly–On Being a Man (video)

Bly in a rare 60-minute video. He clarifies that he doesn’t think of it as a “men’s movement.” From the Minnesota Men’s Conference.

Robert Bly–On Being a Man

SNL puts it out there with Favre

There’s an old saying, “Comedy is the smuggler of truth.” Comedy is an essential gift to the world to step way outside and look at the deepest truths.  Laughter is the uncomfortable reaction to an aspect of truth.

Here’s the SNL takeoff on Favre’s Wrangler Jean commercial. It’s one thing to be naked, authentic, and proud as a man. Unapologetic. Yet it’s a good idea to consider if everyone would want to see it.



Brett Favre–was that “manly”?

Indeed, the recent chaos surrounding Favre is just an accusation so far. As with all these situations, we may never know the real truth. When when beauty is involved, men can often go into temporary insanity.

What this does bring up is the conversation we’re initiating with Essential Man – Is this the behavior of a man? Not just the moral judgment of right and wrong. Does sending a photo of your male member seem to be what a man does? As Bill Maher said, no woman wants to see a picture of any guys joint.

it seems to me, one of the greatest qualities of a “man”, as opposed to a “boy” or a “guy” is that he knows he is an EXAMPLE. He’s not stuck in the adolescent phase of self but owns that there are men he looks up to and men that look up to him. Even more important, there are boys looking up to his an an example of how to be. It’s an honor to a man to be an example, not a burden.

Well, that’s the thought on the table, as I see it. What do you think?


Advertisers are great at identifying human ego to have us change in the direction of their idea. I saw this billboard the other day near LAX when assisting an NLP training. It struck me as a little painful and at the same time funny. (Humor is a way to deal positively with uncomfortable truth.)



When you see an ad campaign targeted specifically to men, shoot me a picture and let’s get it posted.