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An example of the “Ecstatic Man”

The blog name was changed to “Ecstatic Man”. Essential Man is becoming a prominent men’s fashion magazine. In many ways, this is the antithesis of the journey being explored. As men become more involved in fashion, in looking good rather than pursuing good, they are becoming simple “consumers”. Clones with different clothes.

This passage from a book by Osho describes the Ecstatic Man we seek.

You cannot control an ecstatic man; it is impossible. You can only control a miserable man. An ecstatic man is bound to be free. Ecstasy is freedom. He cannot be reduced into a slave, you cannot destroy him so easily; you cannot persuade him to live in a prison. He would like to dance under the stars and he would like to walk with the wind and he would like to talk with the sun and the moon. He will need the vast, the infinite, the huge, the enormous. He cannot be seduced into living in a dark cell. You cannot make a slave out of him. He will live his own life and he will do his thing. This is very difficult for the society. If there are many ecstatic people, the society will feel it is falling apart, its structure will not hold anymore.

Looking forward to your feedback on the blog about the new name. It will mean launching a completely new Facebook page as FB doesn’t let us change names.


That path of manhood is not an easy path. We speak in terms, like “celebrating death”, that woman cannot or prefer not to understand. This talk of death seems morbid and yet denying that will will die, that everything will pass away, is the source of all suffering.

Here is the great teacher Don Miguel Ruiz and his son sharing about his sudden heart attack and the journey of father and son in that moment.


When we forget our warrior path; our journey to become a hero so that others may be free. We get lost in our emotions and self preservations. Ego then comes in to bring us down like a thief when the guards are asleep.

The path of the spirit adventurer is not easy! But, it is ultimately the most free path. I for one have much to learn about this ancient path of freedom. How about you?


She wants to be seen, felt, & met.

One of my men’s circles just had a Q&A session with a female teacher of David Deida’s work. Since we had a woman to query, most of the men wanted to know about success with women.

A consistent theme is that women want to be seen, felt, and met. The great challenge for men is that we tend to live our lives in our head. Occasionally, we’ll get out of the head, into the body, into the flow of life, but only through sex, substances, and sports.

There are levels to “seeing”. At the vague or gross level, we see objects. Our mind does the seeing and says, “that’s a tree” or “I like that.” When the mind looks at a women, it tends to either see “woman” or “breast” or some other object to focus on. The mind also tends to see through what it needs, taking, rather than giving.

Then, there is the subtle way to see. This is how we see beauty. One sees that it is not just a tree but something unknowable with thousands of colors and shades with infinite variety. We see, not from what we want to take, but from appreciation. Like seeing the Mona Lisa vs. wanting to take it for ourselves. Seeing objects vs. seeing beauty is the difference between a beginning artist that sees stick figures and a Monet that sees the infinite play of light. Indeed, that is the feminine: the infinite play of light.

Men can practice this level of seeing. Stop the mind and start seeing. When you look at women, see how many shades of color you can notice reflecting in light from her hair. See how many shades of color come from her iris and how it is changing constantly. If you have been with your woman for some time, se her anew instead of seeing what’s in your mind about the past.

Indeed, notice how SHE is just change. The feminine is the earth, the cosmos, and woman. It is only change. Her hair is constantly changing just as her moods constantly change. See how she changes constantly, moment to moment, and enjoy that change. Just as a flower opens and closes each day, she opens and closes, if you will only pay attention. Don’t put her on a pedestal, as an object to be seen. See her like you would a sunset or waves crashing.

Of course, you could just stay living in your mind. But the mind is just a prison that is well decorated.

Tell me here on the blog what you discover from practicing seeing…


Here’s a 4 minute video on the sad data about men in America. Boys are in decline and thus men are in decline. They are falling behind in test scores and school. They are having trouble finding jobs and meeting girls. The reason he suggests is fascinating. It’s right in front of you right now.

TED has some of the greatest thinkers alive today. Enjoy and let’s hear what you think by posting on the blog…



A great quality of a champion is that they commit to crossing the finish line, no matter what. Indeed, that’s what “commitment” means… “no matter what”.

But our ego says that we have to do life alone. It’s makes up stories that somehow we get extra points for doing things alone. Another great quality of true champions is that they can receive help and build teams. A common place this starts is the way we separated from our father which leads to stories that can keep us trapped in doing life alone.

As men we often make up that we have to go it alone, especially shutting out the help of other men. The ego will make up that we are weak if we let other men help us, but that is just the ego working to make us weak.

Check out this video of one of the greatest moments in Olympic history with Derek Redmond.



Bill Gates may be as important to human history as Guttenberg, who invented the printing press. Not only was he the richest man in the world at one time but more importantly, he made information available to every single human being. Information was once only available to the church or kings. Now every single human is connected to each other and all information.

I huge ego lie in our culture though is that there is something noble or superior about doing things ourselves. Specifically among men. We don’t realize that every great man had a team, partners. Gates had his childhood friend, Paul Allen. Henry Ford & Carnegie had huge teams. There is no honor in doing things alone. That is the ego of a teenager still angry at this father.

Check out this interview with Allen. These boys had a dream and worked on it together. Allen is just 2 years older than Gates. They grew up together.

Original video link: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7363070n&tag=related;photovideo

We could learn a lot about partnership from this story! Don’t let the media’s focus on conflict to sell products get to you. The media thrives and gets rich off our ego’s need for conflict.

Instead, focus on how these two boys were able to work together for so many years, even though they were geeks with little to no relationship skills. When we have a higher purpose, especially a project that helps mankind advance, the challenges really become meaningless. Dreaming works better when you have a friend by your side.

These kids dreamt of a computer in every home and did it together.

What men do you have on your team? Or, do you only have women on your team, still angry at your father for not being more like your mom?


Dudeism (video)

Ah, another funny example of men wandering in America.

VW Commercial for Dudeism


Did you know that advertisers scout for the brightest young graduate psychologists in college, just like banks search for math geniuses to create the next derivative scheme?

You see, they get hot psychologists to identify the pain in the current culture so they can position their products as the solution. Advertisers have done this with cigarettes & booze since the 1950s and now it’s used for most every products.

Here we see a Dude worshiping being a dude. Bathrobe, no purpose or direction in life, or women. Say, but if he plays it off as cool, and buys the product, everything will be OK.

It’s not a new car, sunglasses, or a robe that make a man sexy. It’s being a man that makes a man sexy. And a man that knows his purpose is the sexiest of all. Ask any woman, I dare you!


A friend forwarded this commercial to me. It’s Harvey Keitel reciting a poem, “If” by Rudyard Kipling. There is something in the poems of the great writers that awakens a man’s soul. In this one, the ability of a man to be himself, to live in honor, no matter the circumstance.

Harvey Keitel–”If”


It is interesting to me to note again how brilliant psychologists at ad firms use poetry of men to inspire. At a deeper level, they are paid to identify the wounds and loss people feel and show their solution (i.e. product or service) at the right moment. Most men today are boys in older bodies. We were brought into manhood with products, like alcohol or cars, not with the company of other great men.

There is a yearning, deep inside, for what Kipling speaks of here. A yearning only satisfied by choosing the road less traveled to discover what being a man truly means.


See “Company Men” this weekend.

I was privileged to see a screening of this insightful movie last week. I highly recommend everyone see it. The writer is bold enough to take a look at how the current economy affects men at every level of a corporation. From the CEO making the highest money ever because of layoffs to the man who’s dedicated his entire life to work because he put his soul into it.


Millions of men have been laid off in The Great Recession but they honestly will never work again in their desired field. Over 75% of the layoffs were men, though women account for 51% of workers. How does a man deal with his inner picture of manhood, of success, being shattered as an illusion? This movie, I think, does a great job of looking at it without a Hollywood perspective, preaching, or making any statement. Each man will have a different experience in this recession. All will have to drop some part of their ego (unless they got rich because of the layoffs). Dropping ego, our attachment to our old way of doing things, is the hero’s journey.

Two thumbs up! Both of my thumbs. See it, and post your experience back here.

(A personal note, as a life coach. The female character shown in the beginning of the trailer is NOT a0” life coach”, as the ads suggest. She is a “job placement trainer”. Her job is to pump people up and get them out the door at the sweat shop that corporations send their executives. I’ve been to one! The character is meant to be annoying, false, not compassionate. It’s unfortunate that the marketers of the film chose to call her a “life coach”, though only in the ad materials. They did that because coaching is becoming a hot tool for people in transition, rather than struggling on their own, so they can capitalize on a market trend. Unfortunately, as we look at on the blog, ad firms need men to fail, to not find themselves, work with others, so they can continue to sell their products. That’s Hollywood… ad people.)


Warrior’s Creed

Here’s an old poem that reaches to the heart of a man’s spirit. It speaks of the essence of the masculine experience that boys and most ladies do not want to consider. It expresses a freedom from fear that calls to every man’s soul.

Poetry is essential to the human experience. It reaches past the ego mind to the depth of truth, beyond thinking. Enjoy!

samuraiI have no parents; I make the heavens and the earth my parents
I have no home; I make awareness my home
I have no life or death; I make the tides of breathing my life and death
I have no divine power; I make honesty my divine power
I have no means; I make understanding my means
I have no magic secrets; I make character my magic secrets
I have no body; I make my endurance my body
I have no eyes; I make the flash of lightning my eyes
I have no ears; I make sensibility my ears
I have no limbs; I make promptness my limbs
I have no strategy; I make “unshadowed by thought” my strategy
I have no designs; I make ‘seizing opportunity by the forelock’ my design
I have no miracles; I make ‘right action’ my miracles
I have no principles; I make adaptability to all circumstances’ my principles
I have no tactics; I make emptiness and fullness my tactics
I have no talent; I make ready wit my talent
I have no friends; I make my mind my friend
I have no enemy; I make carelessness my enemy
I have no armor; I make benevolence and righteousness my armor
I have no castle; I make immovable-mind my castle
I have no sword; I make absence of self my sword

Anonymous 14th-century Samurai

A man lives with courage, compassion, responsibility, and discipline. A boy needs none of these things.

PDF to print out: WarriorsCreed.pdf